The Real Issue in our Relationships

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Relationship drama! It is probably safe to say that most of us have some level of relationship drama in our lives, and if we don’t have any at the moment, just wait. It’s coming.

As we continued our series entitled Issues this past weekend, Ben shared that when it comes to relationship issues, the real issue is that we don’t know what to do with the separation that drama creates. The truth is when a friend does something that hurts or offends you, it creates distance between the two of you. You may feel the distance in the conversations that you have or in the way they respond to your texts or phone calls. Whatever the interaction is, it causes you to get the feeling that you are not as close as you once were, and that something has created a gap between you and your friend.

So, when we experience relationship drama and feel separation in our relationship, we have to decide what to do about it. One of the choices we can make is to do nothing. This might seem appealing to us because we believe that the PAIN HERE is less than the PERCEIVED PAIN of dealing with it. We think that telling someone that they hurt us or admitting to someone that our actions hurt them will cause us more pain then it’s worth. We tell ourselves that it is easier to pretend that nothing happened. We might even believe that by doing nothing, we are avoiding drama. However, when we don’t address the separation in our relationships, it actually doesn’t fix the drama; instead, it creates a life of separation and loneliness.

Maybe we do believe that it is worth it to try fix our relationship, but we just don’t know what to do about it. We are unsure what the practical steps are to deal with the separation.

This weekend, Ben shared a real solution to this real issue we face in our relationships. He said that the real solution is to have a real conversation about the real issue.

Matthew 18:15-17
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

When it comes to reaching the real solution, these verses give us great practical steps. They also show us the role that sin plays in relationship drama. The definition of sin is to miss the mark. In this context, it means to miss the standard that God desires for us to live out. When we sin, it causes separation from God, others, and ourselves. It is the root of all relationship drama and recognizing this truth is a great start in moving toward better relationships.

Over the next few days in LivingItOut, we will cover some very practical steps on how to have real conversations about the real issue. I am excited for you and what God wants to do in your life and in your relationships through these practical steps.

What are common excuses that keep people from dealing with the drama in their relationships?

Do you currently have relationship drama in your life?

Are you willing to do what it takes to find a real solution to your relationship drama?

Next Steps:
Write out the names of the individuals with whom you are experiencing relationship drama. Begin praying for them and ask God to use these next few days to lead you toward a real solution.


Dear God, thank you that you chose to do something about the separation that sin caused in our relationship. You never said that I wasn’t worth it nor ignored it. You always had a plan and a solution to bring us back together through your Son’s sacrifice and resurrection. You have given us a great example to follow. I pray that in my relationships that have drama, that I also pursue a solution toward restoration. Give me wisdom and courage to take the steps I need to as I move toward eliminating relationship drama in my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

This post was written by Ben Bockert. Ben is a proud husband and father of three beautiful daughters. He is honored to serve as the Director of the LivingItOut Bible Study.

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