I Want It That Way – Better in Bed

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This week we have been learning the difference between healthy and unhealthy desires. Last weekend, Lead Pastor Ben Snyder said that it is healthy to have desire. Not a single person should feel guilty for having desire. It is appropriate to think about what excites us and what stimulates the greatest desire in us. It’s good for those who aren’t married to get curious about their desires and think about that “someday” when the time will come to share that desire with a future spouse.

Ben encouraged us to ask God how to honor that desire, but he also had a few words of warning. He cautioned us not to make a person the object of our desire because that is when it becomes lust and is sinful. Pastor Ben also cautioned us to avoid unhelpful stereotypes such as “men always want sex, and women never want it.” These stereotypes create assumptions that are simply not true and can be very destructive.

While it is healthy for someone who is single to better understand their desires, it is equally healthy, if not more so, for a married couple to understand and pay attention to their desires. As one who is married, it is not only important to yada, or know, your own desires but also those of your spouse.

Have you ever just given in to purely physical desire with your spouse? While it may have been enjoyable in the moment, it can leave you feeling somewhat empty afterward. Pastor Ben explained that if you want a better bedroom experience, you need to take the time to truly know your desires and your partner’s. It’s important to think about the whole person—not just their physical desires—but also their mental and emotional desires. What turns you on, and what turns you off? What about your spouse? Take the time to learn and share your desires with each other. The more you know about what pleases your spouse, the more satisfaction you will bring to him/her and, ultimately, to yourself.

Genesis 2:24-25
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Genesis 4:1
Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.

Knowing each other’s desires and improving the marital relationship in the bedroom fulfills what God intended from the moment of creation.

If you are single, do you cultivate your desires in a healthy way?

If you’re married, do you truly take the time to learn your spouse’s desires as a whole person?

Next Steps:
Opt into the Text Campaign. There are still two weeks of fun content to help couples be better together. Text BETTER to 419-419-0707.

Join a Group. This is the primary way we see people grow and take next steps. The app has the directory right at your fingertips to help you see the Groups available.

Attend the February 2022 Marriage Event. We are opening up registration during this series. To begin registration, simply text MARRIAGE to 419.419.0707.

Gracious God, thank you for creating a physical, spiritual, and mental way for us to enjoy our spouses. Thank you for creating desire and helping us to cultivate it in a healthy way, seeking your guidance to avoid going astray. Help those who are single to develop a healthy understanding of their desire and to avoid the pitfall of creating a lustful heart. Father, help those who are married to grow deeper in their relationships by truly getting to know the desires of their partner. Amen.

This post was written by Ned Miller, a regular contributor to the LivingItOut Bible Study.

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1 reply
  1. Jaron Camp
    Jaron Camp says:

    Good job, Ned. Spouses don’t always realize that we, too, can fall victim to physical desire with each other.

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