Words Matter – I Said This, You Heard That.

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“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
—Michael Scott (yellow), “The Office”

Yellows speak the language of people who are fun. They tend to be enthusiastic, popular, affectionate, joyful, loud, and prone to interrupt. They hate to be alone.

“I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current level of happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am Manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin … Acting Manager.”
Dwight Schrute (red), “The Office”

Reds speak the language of power and control. They tend to be bossy, confident, driven, self-directed, quick-tempered, impatient, and decisive.

“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things.”
Pam Beesly (green), “The Office”

Greens speak the language of calm and harmony. They tend to be tolerant, easy-going, patient, kind, diplomatic, indecisive, and stubborn.

“Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He’s not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.”
—Angela Martin (blue), “The Office”

Blues speak the language of order and perfection. They tend to be cautious, empathetic, creative, moody, and critical. They typically enjoy solitude and are perfectionists.

By understanding our wiring, we can become the best versions of ourselves. And just as important, by understanding how others are wired, we can learn to communicate more effectively with them. In his weekend message, Lead Pastor Ben Snyder defined communication as “a series of choices we make in what we say or don’t say.” Knowing the temperament of those close to you is very helpful in knowing the words they need to hear.

Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (emphasis added).

The bottom line from the weekend message was “Engaging their TEMPERAMENT results in RELATIONAL BETTERMENT.” (Whereas ignoring their temperament creates relational detachment.) We’re each wired to need certain words. As a blue, I need safety, sensitivity, support, space, and silence. My husband (green) needs harmony, a lack of stress, respect, and a feeling of worth. Reds need a sense of control, loyalty, credit for work, and appreciation. Yellows need acceptance, affection, approval, and attention.

When Jesus talked to people during his earthly ministry, his words ranged from scandalously sensitive to shockingly bold. He spoke to the meek with compassion, the arrogant with ferocity, and the eager with firm encouragement. At times when we expected him to get angry, he was kind. When we thought he would be gentle, he was tenacious. But his responses to people weren’t just based on emotion or passion. He spoke to people in the way that best allowed them to become who God intended them to be.

Words have power. When you use them, think about what the person you’re talking to needs to be built up. This is how we truly love people.

How would knowing your loved ones’ temperaments potentially change how you speak to them?

If you’ve taken the temperament assessment, check out the section titled “Your Innate Needs.” Do you agree with what it has to say about how you need to be spoken to?

Next Steps:
As we continue this series, take some time to go to RightNow Media and watch the I Said This, You Heard That video series. If you’ve taken the assessment, you know all about your own temperament. But to better our relationships, we must learn about the other colors as well.If you haven’t taken advantage of the free RightNow Media resource our church offers, sign-up for it today.

Dear God, help me to be my best self. Help me to use tools like the temperament assessment to be aware of not only my strengths and weaknesses but also to learn how to get better in my relationships. I want to be the person who builds others up with my words, not tears them down. I know I can only do this with you and your help. Thank you for humbling lessons like this one. Amen.

This post was written by Ashlee Grosjean. Ashlee is a blogger at GratefulSheep.com and a stay-at-home mom and wife. She loves writing for this team, and she hopes to help convey God’s message through this study.

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2 replies
  1. Julie Estep
    Julie Estep says:

    Good points Ashlee. I want to know the needs of others and speak to their needs. I think it’s the best way to reach them with the love that God has put in my heart.

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